How To Write A Eulogy

How to Write a Eulogy

“The writing and reading of a eulogy is, above all, the simple and elegant search for small truths. This can be surprisingly hard, to take notice of the smallest, most unpolished details of a life and set them up for us to stare at in the wonder of recognition.”—Tom Chiarella, “How to Give a Eulogy”. Learn more about how to write a Eulogy.

How do you begin writing a eulogy? Editor Carol DeChant explains, “Obituaries are usually mini-biographies, focused on what a person did, but the eulogy is much deeper, more about who the person was…It’s meant for the select group of people who knew and cared for that person, or who care for the survivors.”

Christina Ianzito, in “How to Write a Eulogy,” offers these suggestions; many of them come from Garry Schaeffer’s book, A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy:

Outline the Eulogy – How To Write A Eulogy

In addition to helping you stay focused, an outline will keep your eulogy organized and effectively break down the task of writing into manageable pieces. A good outline also helps ensure that the eulogy is balanced and honors your loved one in a way that captures the many facets of their personality. A thoughtful outline will highlight the most important part of your tribute, whether it’s family, faith, or achievements, and keep the eulogy minutes long enough to be respectful yet concise.

Ask for the Input of other Family Members and Friends

They may be able to provide you with some great stories to share. Remember, a eulogy is a speech meant to reflect the shared memories of your loved one, so gathering stories from close friends and relatives will help you create a more complete picture of the kind of person they truly were. This collaboration often brings up treasured memories of your loved that you might have forgotten.

Always Try to Share Examples of the Statements You Make About your Loved One

If you want to say, “she was generous with her time,” tell a story that supports the statement. By sharing specific stories, you make the eulogy more relatable and heartfelt. For instance, instead of simply stating your loved one was compassionate, talk about a time when they went out of their way to help a friend or stranger. These real-life anecdotes become the moments people remember most and make the eulogy feel alive.

Do Not Focus Too Much on Yourself

After all, this isn’t a eulogy for you; keep your writing focused on your loved one. You may even want to ask others to read your first draft to make sure the focus is in the right place. It’s natural to share how the person impacted your life, but always circle back to how those experiences reveal who your loved one was. Keeping the attention on them helps everyone present feel connected and honors your loved in the most genuine way.

Go For The Humor

Shared laughter is a very healing experience so don’t be afraid to make people laugh. Including light-hearted stories or playful moments shows what kind of person they were beyond formal achievements. Humor can break tension, allowing family and friends to remember the joy your loved one brought into their lives. A good eulogy balances warmth, sincerity, and sometimes gentle humor to create a complete tribute.

Write The First Draft

Don’t fuss over every word; just get your ideas on paper. Writing freely at first helps capture genuine memories and emotions. Later, you can refine it into a guide to writing a speech that feels polished but still deeply personal. Remember, your first draft is about collecting thoughts rather than crafting perfect sentences.

Put It Aside For a While

This has, no doubt, been an emotional experience. Take some time away from the writing desk to get perspective and release stress or sorrow. Giving yourself space can help you approach the eulogy later with fresh eyes, ensuring you remain focused on paying tribute to your loved one. Stepping back can also help you see if the eulogy truly represents the person’s life and character.

Come Back to Edit and Polish

This is the time to refine the eulogy into its final form. Review whether each paragraph supports the central message of who your loved one was. Make sure your tone feels authentic—whether it’s warm, reverent, or celebratory. Editing also helps keep the eulogy minutes long enough to stay engaging throughout the funeral or memorial service.

Print a Legible Copy of the Eulogy, in a Large Font, to Assist in the Delivery of your Well-Chosen Words

There’s nothing worse than not being able to read your handwriting when you’re standing in front of a crowd of people. A clear, printed copy helps you focus on speaking from the heart rather than worrying about misreading words. Consider marking pauses or adding notes about where to emphasize key memories of your loved one.

Delivering a Eulogy – How To Write A Eulogy

Unless you’re a seasoned public speaker, delivering a eulogy can be a scary, emotionally-trying time. It is recommended that you:

• Take your time with the delivery.
• Breathe deeply.
• Stay relaxed.
• Take regular sips of water.

If you have any doubts about your ability to perform in front of an audience, consider appointing a back-up person to fill in for you. Or, you may ask someone else to take over the duty of reading the eulogy aloud on your behalf.

Remember, the eulogy is a speech meant to honor and celebrate the person’s life, so don’t worry if you become emotional. It shows the depth of your connection and the importance of their memory. Many funeral eulogies are deeply moving precisely because they’re heartfelt rather than perfectly delivered.

“Giving a eulogy is good for you,” says author, Tom Chiarella. “It may hurt to write it. And reading it? For some, that’s the worst part. The world might spin a little, and everything familiar to you might fade for a few minutes. But remember, remind yourself as you stand there, you are the lucky one. And that’s not because you aren’t dead. You were selected. You get to stand, face the group, the family, the world, and add it up. You’re being asked to do something at the very moment when nothing can be done. You get the last word in the attempt to define the outlines of a life.”

Why Writing a Eulogy Matters?

Writing a eulogy is an important part of the grieving process. It gives you the chance to reflect on your loved one’s life, gather cherished memories from family and friends, and share what made them unique. Whether it’s a eulogy for a loved one, a close friend, or even a colleague, this tribute offers comfort and meaning to everyone present.

A good eulogy can heal, inspire, and help people remember the person’s life as it truly was—full of stories, love, humor, and resilience.

Tips to Create a Good Eulogy

• Start with warm, inviting words that set the tone.
• Include specific stories to illustrate the kind of person your loved one was.
• Focus on the impact they had on family and friends.
• Balance humor with sincerity to keep listeners engaged.
• Keep it minutes long—long enough to honor but brief enough to hold attention.
• Practice reading aloud to get comfortable with the rhythm and emotion.

Where to Find the Best Eulogies Online – How To Write A Eulogy

All you need to do is search online for “best eulogies” or simply “eulogies”—you’ll be directed to literally dozens of videos and articles.  Watching and reading funeral eulogies online can give you inspiration, show different writing styles, and help you find a structure that feels natural. From eulogies that are deeply formal to those that are lighthearted, these examples can serve as a guide to writing something unique that truly honors your loved one.

Should you still find yourself in need of support, please give us a call. We will be delighted to discuss other available resources in San Diego.